I just finished a nice little round of YouTubeaholism. Here's a trick to try by the way, before I delve into the point of this post. At the end of your viewing session, try to track back the route that took you to the last video you watched. Mentally of course. Our brains don't have a back button, or at least not a very good one, so don't use your browser to cheat. Its not easy, is it.
Todays path for me, as best I can recall, from beginning to end
A Lego stop motion animation of Circle Circle Dot Dot - Jamie Kennedy and Stu Stone
A side bar link to some little girl calling me a Noob
Some sad little boy's response to this insinuation
a high school teacher getting pie'd by his students
a not too bad, Transformer type piece of student computer animation
HappySlip's Mixed Nuts
Now I'm stuck on Christine, so I check her Mac Beautiful video
this inspired someone to respond with a shunning of his Dell laptop
Well, I didn't know that Al had actually released the song You're Pitiful after getting flack from Atlantis Records (James Blunt's recording label)
Ultimately that led me to the actual You're Beautiful video (no link, we've all heard it enough)
Still here? Oh so the point of this posting.
Once I got to You're Beautiful, I was transported. I was flashed back to a year ago. My world was in the process of unravelling. My emotions were in turmoil. I'm torn between some pleasure derived from understanding and the fear of the unknown. This song was there, persistently throughout that time. I can't say that I dislike the song, something about it is haunting to me, and thats attractive in a cold, comforting way. Something akin to my love of fog. It takes me inside myself. Much like a familiar scent or image can do. Even tonight its like my year and all the fear and pain and growth and reflection and strength and happiness I've gone through have just evaporated. With just a few notes its all gone. I know its not permanent, but its there. And it feels real. Am I repeating myself, saying the same thing in different words? I think so. Maybe because thats the sort of place I was in at the time. I don't do that now, its like a post-hypnotic suggestion.
The unfortunate thing I've realized is that I'm not sure I've got its antidote. A melodic trigger that will take me out of that place. Sure it will pass with time, but only after I've dragged myself through a series of unhappy memories that surround my heart with a little vacuum of space and slightly higher gravitational pull. My eyebrows, involuntarily, sag a little at the sides, pinching just a little between the eyes.
The artist in me knows the power of your work to instill emotion, but I can't help but wonder what it would be like to know something you've created has had such a indelible effect on someone else.
2007-02-17
2007-02-13
To Blog or Not to Blog, That is the question.
Not too long ago I went to a conference for work. My first ever. You'll always remember your first. It will open your eyes, fill your mind with ideas and your heart with passion.
Near the end of the week, during a lunch break, I sat with a couple of close friends and reflected on the subject matter we had subjected ourselves too. The topic of blogging came up, everyone was talking Blog this and Blog that, and I had to admit I still didn't see the appeal. Something just doesn't connect with me. Anyone who knows me would know its not a problem with the technical aspect. I am the Original ChatWhore after all. I'm not sure I know anyone that instant messages as much, for as long, as I have. It works for me, going on 11 years now. I hate to be unplugged. If someone is capable of intelligent conversation, I'll talk to them.
So why the hesitation with blogging? Is it the process? Instead of a conversation forming between two or more people, its instigated by myself. Could it be the shotgun approach? Blast your thoughts out there for the masses and their entertainment/consumption. I've never been one to grab a soap box and start spouting my mental soup to strangers with only the possibility of a response. My beliefs just aren't strong enough for that, I don't think I'm that 'right'.
I recently had a random encounter with a stranger on a beach in a far away land. We talked for many an hour about all things under the sun (literally, I have the burn to prove it) and one of the questions she asked me was if I had ever considered writing. Of course the thought crosses at lot of peoples minds from time to time, but never seriously. At least not for me. I think it might be for the same reasons as I've questioned above. When I open my mouth and share my mind, I want a response. Otherwise, why wouldn't I just keep it in my head? What I question is the reason for that. Is it validation of my thoughts or the idea that someone else could give me a perspective that would further hone my own? I like to think its the latter and not the former.
Another thought came in to my head. Is it about disclosure? As I said above, I'll talk to anyone about almost anything. I personally have little issue with putting the raw, uncooked version of myself up for public consumption, a living cadaver for the world to better understand the inner workings of another. But obviously there are topics that one would question the necessity to publicly share with strangers and at times, even close friends. There are times when one must be sensitive to the feelings of others, but quite often those are also the times when talking with someone is most important. Sure I'd like to share my feelings on various personal subjects with others, but not at someone else's expense.
S0 what am I doing here? What is my purpose. Yes, at the above mentioned conference I did the unthinkable and committed myself to blogging for the technical arm of the Ontario Library Association. At the time it certainly made sense to me. I will propose ideas from my professional experiences that may in turn inspire ideas in my peers. So maybe thats my answer, maybe I need to take the same approach and use it on an personal, emotional level. Maybe it will have purpose and meaning to someone who needs it while at the same time serve a cathartic need in me.
We'll see what happens.
Near the end of the week, during a lunch break, I sat with a couple of close friends and reflected on the subject matter we had subjected ourselves too. The topic of blogging came up, everyone was talking Blog this and Blog that, and I had to admit I still didn't see the appeal. Something just doesn't connect with me. Anyone who knows me would know its not a problem with the technical aspect. I am the Original ChatWhore after all. I'm not sure I know anyone that instant messages as much, for as long, as I have. It works for me, going on 11 years now. I hate to be unplugged. If someone is capable of intelligent conversation, I'll talk to them.
So why the hesitation with blogging? Is it the process? Instead of a conversation forming between two or more people, its instigated by myself. Could it be the shotgun approach? Blast your thoughts out there for the masses and their entertainment/consumption. I've never been one to grab a soap box and start spouting my mental soup to strangers with only the possibility of a response. My beliefs just aren't strong enough for that, I don't think I'm that 'right'.
I recently had a random encounter with a stranger on a beach in a far away land. We talked for many an hour about all things under the sun (literally, I have the burn to prove it) and one of the questions she asked me was if I had ever considered writing. Of course the thought crosses at lot of peoples minds from time to time, but never seriously. At least not for me. I think it might be for the same reasons as I've questioned above. When I open my mouth and share my mind, I want a response. Otherwise, why wouldn't I just keep it in my head? What I question is the reason for that. Is it validation of my thoughts or the idea that someone else could give me a perspective that would further hone my own? I like to think its the latter and not the former.
Another thought came in to my head. Is it about disclosure? As I said above, I'll talk to anyone about almost anything. I personally have little issue with putting the raw, uncooked version of myself up for public consumption, a living cadaver for the world to better understand the inner workings of another. But obviously there are topics that one would question the necessity to publicly share with strangers and at times, even close friends. There are times when one must be sensitive to the feelings of others, but quite often those are also the times when talking with someone is most important. Sure I'd like to share my feelings on various personal subjects with others, but not at someone else's expense.
S0 what am I doing here? What is my purpose. Yes, at the above mentioned conference I did the unthinkable and committed myself to blogging for the technical arm of the Ontario Library Association. At the time it certainly made sense to me. I will propose ideas from my professional experiences that may in turn inspire ideas in my peers. So maybe thats my answer, maybe I need to take the same approach and use it on an personal, emotional level. Maybe it will have purpose and meaning to someone who needs it while at the same time serve a cathartic need in me.
We'll see what happens.
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